I think my mom is purposely holding me back from seeing a specialist

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2021.12.04 05:23 Degenerate_Senpai I think my mom is purposely holding me back from seeing a specialist

I've never had a mental diagnosis in my life, but I know I have depression. My mom knows I have depression. I've had it for the longest and I think it's started to have a deeper affect on me than before. Problems that didn't exist the previous year are now manifesting, like me confusing left for right and saying something completely different from what I read or what my mind intends for me to say. Long lasting problems have pursisted, problems that makes me either overthink or think too little and it lessens my skills of paying attention to my surroundings, following instructions correctly, recalling events and information, and comprehending certain conversations. My mom is aware of these problems and is very quick to calling me out for misunderstanding certain instructions and tasks. I notice these problems pursists when I'm around her, and it feels like I have to walk around eggshells to make sure these problems don't happen or else I'm going to awaken the Gordon Ramsey inside of her. She often complains how many times she's had to correct me on certain things and even yells, "I REFUSE TO BELIEVE MY SON IS THIS MENTALLY CHALLEGNED TO UNDERSTAND THIS BASIC, SIMPLE THING!" I've told her many times that these problems are hard to avoid, and it's not like I'm conscious to what I'm doing wrong. It's something outside of my control and at this point, after all these years of making the same mistakes, this is something I need to talk to a specialist about, because I believe it's either my depression or a mental disorder or two preventing my mind from working at times. My mom says the same thing in response, "Okay, your medical insurance should cover seeing a specialist/ Okay, we can look into doing that/ Okay, we need to find some specialists in the area that you can talk to."
Despite this, she's still quick to call me out for these same problems and still treats them as if I'm conscious to avoiding them even though I'm not. She does nothing to help me find a specialist despite what she says and I think it's on purpose. You see, my mom is physically and emotionally abusive. I've endured a lifetime of abuse. This is a mom who threatened to stab me with kitchen knives as a discipling tactic when I was 8-13 years old. Not even for discipling, but for anything. If I had a stomache and I cried too much, she'd tried to shut me up with the knife. If she believe I'll say no to something, she'll use the knife to make sure I say yes before trying anything else. This is a mom who scratched my neck, punched and slapped me and threatened to call the cops on me despite her doing all the abuse and me trying to move away from her. This is a mom who publically berated that 'she hated me and I should go live with my deadbeat father.' If I did see a specialist, I think one inevitable question they ask is what's my relationship with my mother like? And recapping all the abusive stories would get my mom in trouble after years of her getting away with it. If she's not worried about getting in trouble, then I believe she just doesn't like the idea of me possibly talking about her behind my back. Whatever the case may be, it feels like my mind is deteriorating everyday and I'm tired of having these problems being treated as if they're something I'm conscious to recognizing and avoiding, especially being around a mom who's so quick to jump on you before mistakes even happen and provoking anger in you. She's what leads to misunderstandings most of the time, not wanting to make herself understandable nor approaching the way she says things to be understood, and my brain is poorly adjusting to it or something? At this point, I feel like I need to act crazy in order to get her to take me to a specialist or something. Even if I need to break shit and even get arrested as a way of telling her 'THERE'S SOMETHING MENTALLY WRONG WITH ME!'
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2021.12.04 05:23 matzan Overcome, adapt, improvise

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2021.12.04 05:23 JohntuDoetu From where does google and similar companies buy their websites?

Explaination: when we want to have any website we need to buy it from sites like domain.com. From where did google purchased it from? And these companies who sell us the domain, how do they sell a domain which did not exist until I wanted to buy it? Sorry for bad English.
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2021.12.04 05:23 EraDanceOfficial [ ΣRA ] Dreamcatcher (드림캐쳐) - BEcause Dance Cover

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2021.12.04 05:23 Augustends What sort of magical items would a king wear?

Thinking up how I'm going to make a king boss fight for my party and it feels appropriate if they had a few magic items on them. Likely something made specifically for kings that is handed down with succession. Could be something from the books or homebrew.
Some ideas I have so far:
A ring that protects them
A scepter that can command people
A crown that shields their mind
A cloak that absorbs spells
An amulet that heals
A magical weapon of some kind
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2021.12.04 05:23 Plus-Tax4480 Off 354mg

Off 354mg of DXM n 80mg of edibles and a few cart hits feel great!
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2021.12.04 05:23 Anmordi Kowalski analysis what could be in this structures

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2021.12.04 05:23 Atkangaroolover Dads got some good advice

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2021.12.04 05:23 Georg2020 Just say sorry

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2021.12.04 05:23 largish-duck0 I just made this very large helicopter

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2021.12.04 05:23 Itchy-Acanthaceae841 Jack Dorsey going all in with Crypto?

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2021.12.04 05:23 Edabood Featured adoptable cat of the week.

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2021.12.04 05:23 Aetherthetraveler Broken Buster Xcalibur sed

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2021.12.04 05:23 Several_Height780 I only have 1 friend/best friend but she's got other besties too and I feel lonely.

She has God knows how many best friends and I sometimes feel lonely when she leaves me. So i told her and she comforted me saying she feels closest to me (I feel like that's a lie). I am not good friends with her other besties nor does she encourage us to grow closer, that just makes me more sus like if I have 2 bestfriends and I like both of them I will get us 3 to grow closer since I can't afford to make them feel sad/lonely.
I get to know about a trip on the last day and I asked her if she's going she said yes. I waited for the same question to be asked but 5 mins later I told her myself I am not coming( since it was the last day to pay ). She replied "whyyyy, I won't enjoy without you!" I am confused and wondering if she's even real at this point. I feel lonely without her but also thinking about such incidents when I am with her. What do I do
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2021.12.04 05:23 therealOG7 Academic Leave

Any students here know how CVS deals with study abroad? I want to study abroad for 6 weeks but I still want to have a job to come back to. Do I request academic leave or does anyone have any experience with this?
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2021.12.04 05:23 Forsaken-Suit5546 u/reddit is constantly sending messages. he sent 16 identical messages to Messages

u/reddit is constantly sending messages. he sent 16 identical messages to Messages
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2021.12.04 05:23 magic8ballzz Harry isn't straight

Anyone who says Harry is straight obviously hasn't read the books or seen the movies. He literally comes out of the closet in the first book/film. 🤣
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2021.12.04 05:23 newsdk Uden for citat: Når også DF vil være blå, er der trængsel i den blå familie

Uden for citat: Når også DF vil være blå, er der trængsel i den blå familie submitted by newsdk to newsdk [link] [comments]

2021.12.04 05:23 alilclassy Situation in Pakistan

Hi all, I’m a young Pakistani born-Australian. I’m puzzled and quite angered, yet at the same time, upset at the state of Pakistan. A lot of things and ideas in Pakistan are corrupt. The army has a lot of power in politics. The state and religion is not separated. IK licks the TLP and other extremist parties’ ass. Inflation is rising. What is there to love about Pakistan? Just the music & the food? Everything else seems to be so flawed and corrupt. Looks at the spineless leaders, it makes me angry and spikes a spark inside me. Maybe there’s this mission, to maybe go back to Pakistan and strive to achieve a high position in the government. But then again, a single person cannot turn the tables, if the whole system is corrupt, then the single person cannot do much. The whole Pakistani politics need to be remapped. What happened in Sialkot is absolutely horrific. And don’t think that I’m whitewashed, and don’t know anything about Pakistan. I was born there, lived there for years, and visited in every 6 months for decades. Is there any solution to make Pakistan set it’s rails on better tracks? Or this country doomed and only for TLP-like groups? It’s quite upsetting, as living in the west, you miss your motherland. Yet our motherland is going downhill. What will I associate myself with? And how will I stay connected tot he culture? How hard is for someone new with a spine to join politics and take the lead? If my judgement is right, India is infact, a better nation overall. Looking at both countries flaws overall, Indians seem to be ahead.
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2021.12.04 05:23 newsdk Paven kritiserer migranters forhold: Jeg vil åbne jeres øjne

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2021.12.04 05:23 Duck_Jesus_the_1st Sir William and his stuffy puppy

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2021.12.04 05:23 Softandeasy101 What is something that is most common and illegal at the same time?

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2021.12.04 05:23 Chris_1293 Εγώ το preview άνοιξα

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2021.12.04 05:23 Fooderyz Any nudes from her OF?

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2021.12.04 05:23 Frithjof91 First BP weapon dupe: which one did you get ?

Hey guys,
I finally got all of the BP weapon last BP, and am wondering which one I should first get a dupe of?
I'm thinking, maybe getting a viridescent bow refinement as I'm using tartaglia a lot and think the little tornado it creates sure helps in some situation ?
Or maybe get a second deathmatch as I might get Xiao in the near future and might use it on two characters (currently using mine on my Rosaria).
I'm currently not using Solar pearl at all (I have Skyward catalyst for my Ninguang), Black sword is on my Keqing but I don't use her much anymore, and serpent spine I don't use either as I don't like two handed sword characters' gameplay... But that might change as I'm considering building Beidou for tazer teams.
What dupes did you guys go for, and why ?
Mainly looking for food for thoughts, I'm sure there isnt one perfect right answer in my situation.

Thanks !
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